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In the Prologue to my book, I wrote in my mid-twenties there ignited in me an intense battle centered around a childhood supernatural worldview, and building a definitional worldview that I could live by. This dualistic battle amounted to my gethsemane, or my own noche oscura del alma ---> “dark night of the soul.” My dualistic battle became a daunting task to repeal-and-replace an obsolete worldview. My dualistic battlefield became a fierce insistent, persistent, consistent internal struggle between adhering to an unnatural supernaturalism proclaiming to have truths and Truth, and a strong intuitive push-up into consciousness calling me to chart a course of investigating the nature of reality for myself ---> discover my own truths and Truth. A self-investigative process where I hoped to discover truth(s) and if there is a Truth. It took a real internal struggle over many years to disavow from the profound travesty of man-made unnatural dogmas, doctrines, beliefs, and values. It required years of tediously disassembling and progressively dismantling a stamped-in childhood supernatural worldview.


Initially I wanted to continue to endorse my childhood beliefs. I so, so, so wanted to believe! However, I had this eruptive gut-level hunger that demanded I initiate a path of finding for myself truths/Truth. I knew I had to eradicate these painful teachings. Interestinglyand counterintuitively, I came to realize that it was only because I so profoundly believed in supernaturalism, and only as I took it as a personal affront that lead me astray, could I reposition myself and reject it. I realized that man-made supernatural based magic and superstition was spiritually destroying me. For a long time I just needed to be angry at my indoctrinators. I had to confirm and confront this unnerving unnatural emotional, psychological, and spiritual abusive conditioning in order to journey beyond it. It took me time to muster up the courage to dis-identify and self-evolve from this negative unnatural worldview. I had to gradually reassemble, rebuild and give birth to a positive naturalistic worldview. Because of this battle I have unquestionably and permanently disassociated myself from the years of nonsensical indoctrinated dogma

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Comment by JeanMarie on November 23, 2018 at 10:55pm

Wow, what a lovely wordsmith YOU are, go Al, go!!  I identified with much of your feelings here, and I do recall being angry once i realized i had been brainwashed, too.   That anger lasted a long time in me, and i didn't think i would ever truly get past it, yet, i did.  Possibly, because i became godless long long before we had internet, at THAT time, i believe i may have felt even MORE philosophically isolated than today's new atheists do.  It is hard to even imagine life pre-internet, but, that time DID exist, and i had NO ONE, no where, to turn to, and i did feel anger and i did carry that for some time, maybe longer than some others did.
It passes.  at least, it did for me.

I also "wanted to believe", and every once in a blue moon, it seems it would be simpler if only i could just believe like everyone else does.  

I suppose there might be steps in de-godding ourselves, and there can be a usually transient sense of loss,

and also some anger in those of us who were thoroughly brainwashed.   I myself have a 2 cents theory, that goes something like this:   Those of us who were thoroughly brainwashed, raised extremely religiously, -------> tend to become very ardent passionate atheists.
Those of us who were raised fairly casually in religion, tend to become sort of casual atheists.
that is my own 2 cents theory on That.

anyway, hope you stick around and keep posting.  great stuff.   Good luck clearing your head out of every last little vestige of religion.  Lol, it was many a year til i finally stopped finding little cobwebs of god-dusts in the corners of my thoughts.  

Comment by Stephen on November 16, 2018 at 9:15am

Its funny isn't it that the religious always proclaim the importance of free but are just as determined to indoctrinate their children. 

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