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Bible verses to make a christian blush part one

Same rules as last, if you wish to challenge my interpretation, 1611 KJV or Vulgate please.I will be including bible verses that would possibly get you arrested, or accused of being a pervert, should you teach them to children. This is not an exhaustive list.

Genesis 9:21-25- Noah gets drunk, passes out naked. His youngest son stumbles on him drunk and decides to cover him with a blanket. For being embarrassed that his dad was naked for all to see passed out drunk, he gets banished and his descendent's are punished.

Genesis 12:10-20- Abraham goes into Egypt for food, but scared the Pharaoh might be smitten with his 75 year old wife tells her to pretend to be his sister. The pharaoh does the horizontal with Sarah, his wife. God decided to punish the pharaoh, unless Abraham tells him not to worry about it. Abraham does this. It is argued that The pharaoh was a rapist, yet her husband wasn't upset. I think, my take on this, Abraham pimped out his 75 year old wife for grain, and god got made at the john.

Genesis 19- Lot invites the mob to have sex(rape?) his daughters. Lot is the most just man in the city and is saved. Later on Lot gets drunk and gets both his daughters pregnant, but it's the girl's fault.... they tricked him and forced him..... and they got pregnant so they must have wanted it.  -.-

Exodus 21:7-8 If you pay me, you can take my daughter into your possession and rape her as you please. She is commanded to do her best to please you.

Numbers 5:11-31 You suspect your wife is a whore, you drag the priest, who will pour ash and oil in her hair. If she's guilty, her stomach will swell and she will be overcome with pain. If not, she's innocent.  So, what if a woman suspected of adultery is pregnant with her husband's child?  Well, that doesnt matter.

Numbers 31:15-18 Kill the boys, kill the non-virgin women, take the virgin women as possessions. Men are already dead.   Punishment for the curse their whorish women inflicted on Israelite men (STIs?)

Deuteronomy 7 -Fuck peace....  good luck Palestinians in dealing with this one.

Deuteronomy 22:13-29  My new wife isnt good in the sack, accuse her of being a slut(wouldn't a slut be good in the sack) if her parents cant produce proof she's a virgin, throw rocks at her. If they can, I am fined 5 pieces of silver. If I rape a virgin, and get caught, I have to pay 50 pieces of silver and marry her. If I dont get caught.

2 Samuel 6- King David's naked victory dance

Part two coming this evening, probably.

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Comment was by Neo on September 20, 2012 at 12:00pm

Nice. Show them who is the sex crazed addict.

Comment was by Marianne on September 19, 2012 at 5:46pm

I find this hilarious;  sex and the bible !!!!

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