I recently wrote a book entitled, Balanceology: The 4 M's of motivation, meaning, measurement, mitigation. I want to share with everyone an excerpt that I call "Dualistic Battle" from Chapter 19, The Great Mysteries.
I was raised a Roman Catholic. That is raised, not born! There is a huge difference between being born with a trait and being conditioned to a belief. We are born with hair color, eye features, skeletal structure, etc. but not to religious beliefs. We are taught the beliefs of a religion and that education usually comes from our parents and the religion they belong to. I attended 12-years of Catholic schooling. I was initially completely receptive to whatever the nuns and priests taught. Like many good demure Catholic boys I thought of becoming a priest. To think if I had entered the priesthood, I would have opened a door to an emotional, psychological, and spiritual rat-hole. I would have entombed myself in a repressive and depressive bottomless pit, an endless supercilious maze with little hope of escape. I am fortunate I have a rebellious streak in me, and I was able to be open-minded, skeptically-minded and broad-minded enough to ask many questions. Today I look back on those incredulous condescending religious beliefs, those ensnared stamped-in inculcated infectious virus doctrines as repellant, unimaginable, and fantastical.
I was taught (against my will) about venial sins and those mortal sins that could send me to a Draconian Hell for Eternity. But there was a purgatory I could go to where my sins could be expunged away. I vividly remember at the age of seven being told by a nun that if I ate a piece of meat on Friday and died that night --> I will burn in Hell forever. To underscore how ridiculous this can be in a child’s mind, one Friday I consumed vegetable soup. After swallowing the soup my sister told me the label said there were beef balls in the soup. Wow! I had committed a mortal sin. I begged God to not let me die that night so I would not go to Hell. I was taught about original sin, virgin births, winged angels, the evils of sex, and on and on ad nauseam. I was taught the dualistic concepts of heaven/ hell, saints/sinners, and good/evil. A young gullible mind can be tainted and trained to believe the unbelieveable --> to think the unthinkable. Unconscionably, this Pre-reformation nonsense was being promulgated and indoctrinated into the minds of 20th Century children. Why, tell me why would any religion that taught there is a loving God bur- den the mind of a child (or adult with a childish mind) with such asinine beliefs? Why are so many Christians unchristian? Why are they so angry, hateful, bigoted, fearful, and burdened with an arrestive schadenfreude trait towards anyone daring to differ with them theologically? I was first visited with religious wrath by a nun when I was 16. I was a junior at St. James High School, and a friend of mine and I skipped out of Mass. Sr. John Mary caught us, and stupid concrete thinking me said we were looking for our books in the bushes. That “Christian” made my life miserable for the rest of the year with her dirty judgmental stares. Unlucky me had her for my algebra teacher that year. Looking back on it now I think this was one of the initial cracks, and the beginning of the end that instituted my rebellion, nullification, and final deliverance from a demode and unfashionable supernatural worldview.
In the Prologue, I wrote in my mid-twenties there ignited in me an intense battle centered around an an- achronistic horse-and-buggy childhood supernatural worldview, and building a definitional worldview that I could live by. This dualistic battle amounted to my gethsemane, or my own noche oscura del alma ---> “dark night of the soul.” My dualistic battle became an infuriating, formidable, and daunting task to repeal-and-replace an obsolete moth-eaten worldview. My dualistic battlefield became a fierce insistent, persistent, consistent internal struggle be- tween adhering to an unnatural supernaturalism proclaiming to have truths and Truth, and a strong intuitive push-up into consciousness calling me to chart a course of investigating the nature of reality for myself ---> discover my own truths and Truth. A heuristic self-investigative process where I hoped to discover truth(s) and if there is a Truth. It took a real contentious internal struggle over many years to make a self-abnegation of denouncing, castigating, and disavowing the profound travesty of man-made unnatural dogmas, doctrines, beliefs, and values. It required years of tediously disassembling and progressively dismantling a stamped-in childhood supernatural worldview.
Initially I wanted to continue to endorse my childhood beliefs. I so, so, so wanted to believe! However, I had this eruptive gut-level hunger that demanded I initiate a path of finding for myself truths/Truth. I knew I had to interrupt, extirpate, eradicate, and stamp-out these painful teachings. Serendipitously, interestingly, and counterintuitively I came to realize that it was only because I so profoundly believed in supernaturalism, and only as I took it as a personal affront that lead me astray, could I reposition myself and reject it. I realized that man-made supernatural based magic and superstition was spiritually destroying me. For a long time I just needed to be angry at my sententious bete noire indoctrinators. I had to confirm and confront this unnerving unnatural emotional, psychological, and spiritual abusive conditioning in order to journey beyond it. It took me time to muster up the courage to dis-identify and make an auto-deportational diversion and a self-ostracization disaffiliation from this negative unnatural world- view. I had to gradually reassemble, rebuild and give birth to a positive naturalistic worldview. Because of this battle I have unquestionably and permanently disassociated myself from the years of nonsensical indoctrinated dogma
Yet, in an ironic way I am content with those early years of religious training. The questions coming from childhood brainwashing became the silver-lining that encouraged me to read, study, and research in many fields of learning and to be exposed to innovative ideas from many writers and thinkers. This self-questioning forced me to deeply look within myself, listen to intuitive feedback from transgen- erational inheritance, and to gather the fortitude to finally break away from that inculcated poisonous early conditioning. Paradoxically, that early training set me on fire and on a life course of searching for exculpatory evidence for the mysterious truths and Truth in Nature. It set me on an amazing journey and opened up a bright sky where I am trying to find my place in this world and to answer the questions, “Who am I?,” and “What am I?” It is a journey I plan to continue the rest of my life. The Theory of Balanceology is a reflection and a presentation of where I currently stand in this journey.
The intense anger towards my childhood indoctrinators has greatly dissipated. However, I still bristle that supernatural craziness continues to be taught. Tragically millions and millions of Jews, Christians, and Moslems around the globe are imprisoned in a world of foolish anti-nature beliefs, dogmas, and doctrines. It is inconceivable to me how these atrocities are performed in the name of religion. It is incomprehensible to understand the extreme damage done in the name of a loving, yet schizophrenic and abusive God. In Chapter 30, I make a case that: 1.) I will try hard to be more accepting of the idiosyncrasies within myself and others, but 2.) I must have the courage and fortitude to confront the demagogues of hatred in this world. I must stand-up to these powerful oppressive indoc- trinators. In the spirit of resolute determination this Naturalist-Liberitarian commits himself to challenge and to ex- pose those doing evil deeds in the name of incredulous man-made religion.15 I will demonstrably speak-my-mind to those who profoundly misinterpret and misalign the truths and Truth emanating from Perennial Wisdom’s Natural Moral Code. The days of tip-toeing around reprehensible man-made religions is over for critically thinking people. Enough ink has been spilled and wasted on writing this supernatural falsehood. I dedicate myself to fastidiously denounce and call-out these religious purveyors of bigotry and hypocrisy. I will reveal these unconscionable haters. I will confront the fallacious death-phobic institutions of concretistic thinking and separation. I will castigate these peddling dapifers auctioning off to the highest bidder and selling off their seed-faith fear-mongering dogma.