My dear friends,
Perhaps you will feel the urgent need to "excommunicate" me out of this web-site; expulsion is in order you may think. But you are my dearest friend, have been with me always, for why I ought to be able to post my reflections in this Blog.
Finally my brain is strong enough to sustain the idea of God. It was the love of knowledge which inspires in me this temerity, which dazzles me today as my language advances (the transition from Spanish to English), whereas it was unable to move me when my mother tongue ought to have explained reality to me.
This struggle takes me back to my childhood where I was a very lonely girl caught in my pictorial books without a friend. God remained unknowable because no one has yet figured out a way to explain God to someone who has autism. An important rule of thumb to keep in mind is that pictures are the infrastructure of reality itself. You shall use an image to illustrate each concept. Yet this lead into the first conflict with religion, God was definitely not a “Father.” It is not about having “somebody” to hold your hands. It is about dissolving yourself into the Divine All and becoming one with God.
Devoid of desire, either for a thing, a person, or an idea, incapable or unwilling to reveal my inner self under any circumstances, I had managed to discover God all by myself, to keep at a distance from religion, to preserve in the deepest, most unalterable sense, the experience of God’s closeness, and contemplate in the Saints and beyond them, like one peering over an abyss, the fullness of the whole reality.
More and more, I am beginning to realize that God is the name we give to our sense that everything is connected to everything else. God is the ocean and we are the waves. In the words of the Hasidic maxim, “It’s all God.” When I realized that I was present within the great ocean Nothingness – the sea of being – I drew the intuitive conclusion that the name of God is merely a symbolic representation of an ultimate reality which is unformed, amorphous.
God dwells within us, it is an indwelling God.
A symbol, as distinct from a metaphor, only presents the vehicle and the individual is required to supply the tenor. If I think with other minds, I must find the mind who will supply meaning to the symbol. I sought therefore an encounter not only with the people of the Bible but also with the Saints.
That is why I don’t understand prayer as a conversation. In such a mythical model, prayer now becomes an occasion for contemplation of and meditation on our presence within the Divine.
That is why I do not blame God for what goes wrong. God cannot intervene in the workings of the world.
That is why what appears to be evil now it is in reality a challenge to try to comprehend how God could somehow be within it also.