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The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth
The following are actual commandments of the religion known as "Satanism." Its almost a entirely satire religion for most followers do not believe in an actual "Satan" and most of the rituals are done in mock of Catholicism - but the philosophy behind it is entirely serious.
The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth
1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
9. Do not harm little children.
10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
Just for fun: How many to do agree with?
As for me: 7 can be deleted because Magic doesn't exist (at least as far as anyone can tell) and 4 needs to be reworded/tweaked a little before I'd agree with that one. I pretty much like the rest.
Comment
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Comment by Adriana on May 31, 2012 at 7:15am -
Michel, those are HILARIOUS. And point 1 is super-well taken.
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Comment by Adriana on May 31, 2012 at 7:15am
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Hahaha, Neal! Yes, I meant #11! LOLZ. Must.not.comment.after.beer.
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Comment by Chris on May 31, 2012 at 5:00am -
What about the pentagram rules? Keep the pentagram upright at all times, unless sleeping, or passed out/unconscious. Good answers Michel.
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Comment by Michel on May 30, 2012 at 10:22pm -
1 - No. If I wait to be asked for my opinion it may never be voiced.
2 - Meh... some people need to be reminded of other's troubles.
3 - Yep. Be polite.
4 - I dip them slowly in huge vats of acid.
5 - The Fuck Me signal?
6 - There goes free market...
7 - Yeah, sure.
8 - I think I can complain about someone else's plight without subjecting myself to it.
9 - Kill little children, don't eat them alive.
10 - Can I kill mosquitoes before they bite me?
11 - If he does not stop b) flee.
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Comment by Neal on May 30, 2012 at 10:12pm -
I think you have the wrong number A, 10 is about not killing animals except in self defense or for food. Since I agreed with 10, I must defend the thought. =)
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Comment by Adriana on May 30, 2012 at 9:38pm
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I disagree with #4. I disagree with cruelty and with mercilessness, most of the time. I disagree with #10, because destroying someone for merely bothering you is way too extreme.
7 is, as you say, nonsense, because magic does not exist.
I love #5! It's solid advice. Although I would love to know what they mean by "the mating signal". Is there only one for Satanists?
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Comment by Neal on May 30, 2012 at 4:48am
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10 is easy to agree with.
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Comment by Chris on May 29, 2012 at 5:14am
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1,2,5 & 8 are written especially well.
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