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Greek Gods
7. Hades
• Abducted Persephone and literally made her life hell
• Trapped Theseus and Pirithous in the underworld using snakes
6. Dionysus
• Lured Pentheus into the woods and has his own mom unknowingly tear him to shreds
• Made King Lycurgus slice his own son into pieces
• Partied a lot obviously
5. Hephaestus
• Had lots of ladyfriends
• Caught his wife Aphrodite in bed with Ares, imprisoned them in a net, and took them to Mount Olympus for public shaming
• Made his own mom sit on a magic golden throne that wouldn't allow her to stand back up
4. Pan
• Turned his crush Syrinx into a flute
• Had another crush, Echo, killed because she wasn't feeling it
• Taught shepherds how to masturbate
• Wrapped his junk in a sheepskin and seduced Selene, the moon goddess
3. Ares
• Got with Aphrodite while she was still married
• Killed Adonis, who also wanted to get with Aphrodite
• Basically murdered everyone
• Had his throne on Mount Olympus made out of human skin
• Was such a dick no Greek city wanted him to be their patron god
2. Poseidon
• Raped Medusa when she was a child
• Slept with his sister Demeter, who turned into a mare to avoid him; he turned himself into a stallion and was like LET'S DO THIS
• Screwed up Odysessus' journey by making him get in a shipwreck
• Made King Minos' wife have an affair with a bull
• Made a bunch of earthquakes when he got bored
1. Zeus
• Had A LOT of mistresses
• Hired a nymph to distract Hera from his affairs by talking incessantly
• Turned into a bull and then raped Europa
• Turned a woman into a tortoise for refusing to go to his wedding
• Killed a guy with a thunderbolt for attempting to impersonate him, riding around in a bronze chariot and loudly imitating thunder (which is pretty hilarious TBH)
• Made Prometheus have his liver eaten by a giant eagle every day
• Threw one of his kids off Mount Olympus just because he was ugly
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Onyango Makagutu on -
I like Pan and Dionysus
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Permalink Reply by Davy on -
Dionysus the god of the grape harvest, winemaking and wine, of ritual madness and ecstasy.
Pan the god of the wild, shepherds and flocks, nature, of mountain wilds, hunting and rustic music, and companion of the nymphs
Hephaestus was the blacksmith for the gods.
Ares was the god of war that is why no city wanted anything to do with him.
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Permalink Reply by Adriana on -
What about Greek GODDESSES? My favorite is Athena (below) but who doesn't like mighty APHRODITE?
S8.1 ATHENE "PEACEABLE ATHENA"
Museum Collection: Musée du Louvre,
Paris, France
Catalogue Number: Louvre Ma 530
Title: "Athena Pacifique" or "Athena Mattéi"
Class: Free-standing statue
Material: Marble
Height: 2.30 metres
Context: --
Original / Copy: Roman copy of Greek bronze statue Athena of Piraeus
Style: Hellenistic
Date: C2nd BC or C2nd AD
Period: Hellenistic or Imperial RomanSUMMARY
Athene with open hand and raised helm.
ARTICLES
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Permalink Reply by Michel on -
Clearly they have been outnumbered, and that explains why gods had to fuck with humans so much.
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Permalink Reply by Adriana on
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Well, there were a lot of goddesses, actually. I think the Greeks were pretty gender equal-opportunity in their pantheon of deities. Here is a list of Greek godesses, and some of them are pretty bad-ass, such as (besides Athena), Artemis, Nike, Persephone, Hecate, Leto, Hera, just to name a few.
I think ancient religions were not as patriarchal as the Abrahamic religions.
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