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Freethought and Funny Bones

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Freethought and Funny Bones

A group for freethinking humor. Let's share a good laugh, it always helps to see things more clearly.

Atheist Universe Comedy Cellar

Location: #life
Members: 51
Latest Activity: 12 hours ago

Discussion Forum

The Stand-up Comedy Clip Thread

Started by A Former Member. Last reply by Stephen Brodie Sep 27, 2014. 6 Replies

Post your favorite stand-up comedian skits here. No limits on content, but if it is NSFW please say so. I like the old-timers.   Here's a Phyllis Diller impersonator.    Continue

Tags: humor, comedians, stand-up, comedy

LOL Animal Pics

Started by A Former Member. Last reply by Davy Jul 1, 2013. 52 Replies

Post your favorite LOL animal pics here. You know you've got nothing better to do. …Continue

Tags: photos, humor, pets, animals

Highlights Of Benedict XVI's Papacy

Started by Adriana. Last reply by Adriana Feb 25, 2013. 2 Replies

Continue

Tags: pope, satire

CRACKED

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Comment by Davy on January 31, 2014 at 1:52pm

Neil deGrasse Tyson joke off twitter!

What happens if too many aliens come for dinner?

You have extraterrestrials

Comment by Onyango Makagutu on January 29, 2014 at 10:44pm

Hahahah!

That little boy is a sharp one

Comment by doone on January 29, 2014 at 3:33pm

Well it is much easier to find imaginary locations rather than real locations such as a post office.  Heaven is whereever the hell the pastor says it is..

Words without thoughts never to heaven go.
William Shakespeare 
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/heaven.html#38IYyyH0xBfl...

Comment by Davy on January 29, 2014 at 3:27pm

One to get even with god botherers!

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached
by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"
 
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."
 
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.  I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday...I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
 
The little boy replied with a chuckle.  "You're bullshitting me, right?   You don't even know the way to the Post Office!”

 

Comment by Davy on January 13, 2014 at 9:21am

THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE

 

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several  Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a  Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan,  a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a  Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a  Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman  Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an  Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an  Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a  Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an  Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a  Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a  Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a  Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans, 




... Walk into a fine  restaurant.


 



"
I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group.

 

 



"You can't come in here without a Thai

 

 

Comment by doone on January 1, 2014 at 7:17pm
Comment by Chris on December 30, 2013 at 5:40am

Funny jokes Davy. Macy's and The Chief  Would have caused me to laugh enough to spit milk out of my nose.

I told the following joke to a co-worker. He actually sprayed soda (Cokea Cola?)out of his nose. Fortunately none of my lunch got wet.

My version was way shorter than the long version that follows. My version was longer than I'm saying, but went something like this:

Dick van Dyke couldn't get a job with his original name.

Begging the question, he asked: "What was his original name?" as he washed down a sandwich he was eating with a soda when the punch line was delivered.

Penis Von Lesbian.

-----

A strikingly handsome young man walked into the office of a Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand. The agent reviewed the young man's slim resume and small portfolio with the care that was deserving of this fine young specimen.

"You have the very obvious good looks and excellent demeanor of an actor. Tell me, have you had any roles that I might be aware of."

"Other than the requisite high school and college plays, no sir," said the handsome young man.

"I dare say I know the reason why, with a name like yours," said the agent.

"Sir?"

"Your name. Penus Van Lesbian. That's not a name that will go far in Hollywood. I'd love to represent you, but you'll have to change your name."

"Sir," the handsome young man protested. "The Van Lesbian name was my father's, my grandfather's and his father's name. We have carried this name for generations and I will not change it for Hollywood or any other reason."

"If you won't change your name, I cannot represent you young man."

"Then I bid you farewell - my name will not change." With that, Penus Van Lesbian left the agents office never to return.

Five Years Later...

The Hollywood agent returned to his office after lunch with some producers and shuffled through his mail. Mostly junk mail, trade journals and the like. There was one letter. He opened the envelope and removed the letter. As he unfolded the fine linen paper, a check dropped from the folds and onto his desk. He looked at the check. It was for 50,000 dollars!

He read the letter:

Dear Sir:

Several years ago, I entered your office determined to become an actor. You refused to represent me unless I changed my name. I objected, saying the Penus Van Lesbian name had been carried for generations and left your office. However, upon leaving, I chanced to reconsider my hastiness and after considerable reflection, I decided to heed your advice and endeavored to change my name. Now I am a famous actor with many roles and known to millions worldwide. Having achieved this fame and fortune, it is often that I think back to my meeting with you and your insistence that I change my name. I owe you a debt of gratitude, so please accept this check with my humble thanks, for it was your idea which has brought me to such wealth and fame.

Very Sincerely Yours,
Dick Van Dyke

Comment by Davy on December 29, 2013 at 10:34am

Comment by Davy on December 17, 2013 at 1:26pm

A husband walks into Macy's to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price

the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife (she's no dummy) thinks, 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at noon. Closed coffin.

Comment by Davy on December 16, 2013 at 3:24pm

 

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