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We are a worldwide social network of freethinkers, atheists, agnostics and secular humanists.

Freethought and Funny Bones

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Freethought and Funny Bones

A group for freethinking humor. Let's share a good laugh, it always helps to see things more clearly.

Atheist Universe Comedy Cellar

Location: #life
Members: 62
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Mexican Flag From Trump Tower in Canada

Started by Mrs.B. Last reply by Mrs.B Aug 23. 4 Replies

In the news…Continue

..., because there is no god.

Started by May the Big Bang RIP. Last reply by May the Big Bang RIP Aug 19. 11 Replies

Donald Trump, because there is no god.

Tags: godless

Begging

Started by Mrs.B. Last reply by Mrs.B Feb 26, 2017. 7 Replies

In the news…Continue

The Stand-up Comedy Clip Thread

Started by A Former Member. Last reply by Chris Nov 5, 2016. 10 Replies

Post your favorite stand-up comedian skits here. No limits on content, but if it is NSFW please say so. I like the old-timers.   Here's a Phyllis Diller impersonator.    Continue

Tags: humor, comedians, stand-up, comedy

CRACKED

A Whole Lot Of People Think They've Had Sex With Ghosts

By Lydia Bugg  Published: October 21st, 2018 

4 Huge Improvements to Everyday Life (We'll Never Adopt)

By William Kuechenberg  Published: October 20th, 2018 

5 Movie Stunts That Went Horrifyingly Wrong

By Mark Hill  Published: October 19th, 2018 

Comment Wall

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Comment by Stephen on July 11, 2018 at 7:04am

Comment by Mrs.B on July 9, 2018 at 11:19pm

I've seen the hangman's noose one too.

Comment by Stephen on July 9, 2018 at 10:56pm

Electric chair Jesus'

Comment by Mrs.B on July 9, 2018 at 9:24pm

Ha!

Comment by Stephen on July 9, 2018 at 9:15pm

Oh dear, that's life.

Comment by Stephen on July 8, 2018 at 7:59pm

Comment by Mrs.B on July 8, 2018 at 7:20pm

Well I feel very chastised now.....gimmee uh beer......please.....

Comment by Stephen on July 8, 2018 at 7:02pm

U.S. Celebrates 242 Years Of Independence From Unfair, Not-Very-Nice, Canadian Overlords

The Battle Of The Micro Brew was one of the bloodiest in modern drinking history, resulting in the loss of some four thousand 2-4s, and punishing hangovers on all sides.

It was 242 years ago today that the United States signed the historic Declaration of Renegotiation, in which they famously stated that they would henceforth pour (not pore) all Canadian milk into the Boston harbour, didn’t appreciate being taken advantage of by their smiley-assed northern neighbours, and intended to return Celine Dion – alllll byyyyy herrrrrrrself – on the next Amtrak to the border.
The date remains a rallying point for the American populace, who still feel a mixture of envy for the socialist, beaver-ridden utopia to their poleward; and outright fury that the seemingly-simple Canadians have outmanoeuvred them on nearly every battlefield, negotiating table, and ice rink across which the two nations have ever encountered each other.
With this year’s anniversary – known as Independence From Those Smug Canadian Assholes Day, but colloquially dubbed ‘The Fourth of July”- falling on a Wednesday, Americans once again just feel really ripped off by the whole thing.
“Yeh. I sense the Canadians’ hand in this,” says a man dressed as a steel girder, sweating the holiday out in New York’s Times Square. “Growing up, the fourth was always on a Friday or a Monday. Yes, always. Whatchyou talking about statical impossibility of the Gregorian calendar? You a Canadian or sumpthin? Huh? You are? Get daaaaa fuck outta heeyah.”

Canadians have long been unpopular in the United States, ever since burning down the White House in 1814 – a full 53 years prior to becoming a country, in what historians often refer to as “the immaculate torching”…

https://outabouter.com/2018/07/04/u-s-celebrates-242-years-of-indep...

Comment by Mrs.B on July 8, 2018 at 5:12pm

Well look how they've been tossed around everywhere, & just plain wasted!

Comment by Stephen on July 8, 2018 at 5:11pm

At Current Rates Of Use World Could Run Out Of Thoughts And Prayers By As Early As 2019

A worldwide shortage of thoughts and prayers may leave us with no choice but to actually do something by as early as January 2019, researchers are warning, after a recent study revealed the popular refrain is now fueling 93% of government inaction globally. And we are running out.
Dr. Tim Freely, a leading expert in thinking and praying, and author of the book Act Now Or Forever Wring Your Hands, explains:

“The trouble is that back in the 50’s, when they first started using this phrase as a catch-all for ‘I’m not motivated to actually do something here but feel obligated to open and close my mouth in some fashion or other,’ politicians and community leaders had no idea how much they’d be relying on this platitude by the time the 21st century rolled around. And now we’re just plain running out. Of thoughts. Of prayers. And of patience.”
Freely isn’t alone in sounding the alarm. The Global School for Total Ineffectiveness has said that not only are the current consumption rates of thoughts and prayers at unsustainable levels, but that we are also extremely low on condolences and general declarations of unity in these difficult times.
“It’s pretty simple really,” says Dominic McMercy, president of GSTI. “The ‘Doing Something To Prevent Kids From Getting Shot At School’ lobby is severely underfunded in [The United States of Thoughts and Prayers]. Much as there remains no lobby for ‘The Protection Of Indigenous Persons From Discrimination And Summary Execution’ up there in Canada. Because it’s politically easier to apologize for the collateral damage in these areas than it is to take on the rigours of change.”
McMercy says that studies have repeatedly shown that when a problem is viewed as too difficult or distasteful to bite into, politicians will often just pretend to chew it “through a process referred to as ‘lip service.'”
“Until we run out of patience with that. And then our leaders are left with the bald decision of either doing something, or assuming the horrifyingly honest silence of the uncaring.”

https://outabouter.com/2018/02/15/at-current-rates-of-use-world-cou...

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